Sharon part 2

so we became anxious to pursue this new chapter of our lives and i called the volunteer worker who was helping Sharon to search.
she was convinced by what i told her and her notes of the events that we indeed were sibs.
so convinced that she gave me Sharon's # and i called her. meantime the volunteer let her know to expect a call from me.

when she answered i just said tentatively 'Sharon?' and she said 'Linda?' and that was the beginning.

it was like opening a Christmas gift; slowly, layer by layer.

first the ribbon and the tape, then the paper carefully so as not to damage the contents.

such happiness comes to me now as i write this, that i am rewarded again.
we spent a bit of time on the phone comparing notes and asking questions. i was hesitant to be pushy & i held back [YES i did]. and i think Sharon was a bit blown away by my attitude of 'well of course i want you to be my sister'.

after that first encounter i had no question as to the veracity of the situation. i did not doubt and i was ready to meet and get to know her. we had missed so much!!

the only concern was, would she want us? Bruce told me, after i called him back to say 'yup we have a sis' and we are gonna meet her soon, that i should not tell her too much about mom and some of our more disturbing background until we knew her better. he thought it would scare her off. i'm thinking 'but its only fair to let her know how dysfunctional a gang she is a part of now.

but i agreed to be as reserved as i could when we met.

and i almost made it.
in that confusing spring of '05 we met our baby sister. at a church parlor. i got there first. then Sharon came in and i knew....i hurried over to her [& like Bruce said probably scared her] - i hugged her and said "you have Bruce's eyes!!!"

then he came in with a bouquet of lovely flowers for each of us. and he stood there, a bit like a deer in headlights, while i went on and on about the eyes - see you have the same eyes. see? see?

the volunteer had come along too - it was, we 3 later agreed, intrusive.

but she wanted to see the fruits of her effots and i could not blame her.

we just felt inhibited and not free to be ouselves. she did ask some pertinent questions so it was ok. we began to put some 'quirks' of moms together and it all came back to her obsession with the # 3.

OF COURSE, duh! there are 3 of us, 3 children she had.

3 she looked for in everything, even after she had forgotten WHY it was important or what it was she sought; she wanted her three.
the volunteer just blurted out [i still don't know why] as we discussed this 3: "what color is three?"

Sharon and i both, at the same time, said "RED". wow. need anymore proof? poor Bruce sat there going huh? "is that what happened - you 2 got all the color and i am colorblind!" { he is you know = color-blind }

so we talked about that for a bit. and agreed to keep close and learn more. oh and another funny thing- moms favorite color was/is RED!

while Sharon and i both love purple! funny funny things.
dna testing was discussed - i did not want it. i had what i wanted - my sister.

but that is one of those world things and a logical thing to ask. turns out the test can't be accurate w/maternal dna only if it is paternal and we have different fathers.

besides, as we got to know each other more we just dropped the idea. and we have spent these last few years really making up for the missed calls and the missed birthdays and the missed everything...much later, when mom was very deep in alzheimers and she began to tell people at the nursing home about her 3 kids and the baby she gave up .. my faith was justified.
the best, the very best thing that happened was a conversation between mom and Sharon. [ we had introduced her to mom as a friend and mom loved her right away, saying later, 'could you bring that girl back to see me?' she said "I don't know what it is, but she feels like one of us!"]

then mom almost died in '07 and while in hospital Bruce & i told sis that if she wanted to actually try to talk truth with her it would be then... i don't know how Bruce knew, but he has some of that intuitive thing also, and he just knew a window was opening.

so Sharon came and we left her and mom alone in the hospital room to talk.

this is what Sharon wrote afterwards about that visit.

"I was afraid to say anything because she looked so peaceful and calm.

Not agitated like she had been all evening. Her eyes were closed, her hands still.
I leaned over and asked if she felt better. She smiled and said yes. I then asked her if she remembered her little baby. "Yes" she said, shaking her head. I told her that I was her little baby.

"I know" she said. I then told her that I wanted to thank her. That I knew what she did was hard, but that it was the right thing to do. That by giving me up, she had brought so many people into my life. And that she was very brave.

"Yes" she said. I thanked her again and she said, "thank you".
She then said quietly, "you remind me of him. We were going to get married and I was going to be a bride." I asked her if it was Joe I reminded her of. That was the only time she got irritated. She said, "well, yes" and started moving her hands. She started saying random words and numbers, talking about dirt and water.
She then got still and said, "I loved you every single day." I told her that I had loved her every single day, too.

She looked so serene, her eyes still closed, a soft smile on her lips. She told me that she remembered me eating and one day I'd be a big bride. Then her hands began working and she began talking to someone else in the room.
I then touched her forehead and told her I would visit her later. She said "I want you to come every single day". I told her I would see her soon and she said, "no, every single day."

It was then like I had been dismissed. Her attention turned elsewhere.
As I left the room, I turned back. She was "propped" up on the bed. Her hands in the air (waving and make motions like she was climbing a ladder). I realized today that she had to be extremely strong in that moment. She was propped up, yet not by her elbows or hands....they were in the air. Or maybe she was being helped by someone only she could see.
It was an amazing experience. I don't know if what she said meant the same thing to her as it did to me. I've been wondering if I might have "planted" things for her to say without realizing it. Because I wanted it so badly. A friend of mine told me today that it didn't matter. That I heard what I needed to hear, and with God's grace and mercy, she heard what she needed to hear, too."