Bells for Laine ...

I could always hear my dear friend, K, when she entered a room if she had her bag with her. That is because of the bells.
I hope she is ok with me sharing that she told me about Elaine, her sister who died long ago.

The bells are for Lainie, she said - physical reminders, concrete symbols of the bond and the love shared by siblings, friends.
I stole this practice from K...i want her to know it is still with me now as i mourn the loss of so many from my life.

Because we are such human humans and need, as such, to feel a tangible connection, as well as that spiritual connection, to those we love, i thought i would like to tell you about my bells and how they work to aid in my grieving.

At this moment i have 4 bells on the bag i carry. one is large, silver, and tied with a bow on the front strap. 2 more - a small silver and a tiny gold - are attached to the zipper with a large crafted dragonfly. # 4 hangs on a piece of lavendar yarn at the side.
Today the large one represents my mom whom i have been feeling near and yet far away from at the same time. My daddy has a sort of reserved, peaceful feel to him right now in my heart and so his bell is pretty quiet on the purpleish string. Aunt Velma is golden and dear, dingling alongside my Hellen near the dragonfly - i think because they are vibrating similarly for me on this sunday in march.
The point is that tomorrow the little golden bell may become mom, while Hellen or daddy or Aunt Velma moves into the largest one....grief is like that.

Grief is not predictable but rather capricious in its intensity and its hold on me. Some days i do not name or identify the bells at all; and that is ok because they often represent ALL those i have lost ~ from my first recollection of my "mamaw's" passing up to the very recent crossing over of my good friend OE.

Ah but i can no more put into words what this ritual is to me, than i can explain what love is or why we are so needing of it.
Of course i am aware that these are not really my loved ones [nor that 'when a bell rings an angel gets its wings!' :0) ].
Of course i know i am no closer to those crossed over, in fact, with or without the bells.
And of course i acknowledge that this whole exercise may seem a bit silly to some.

But i have come not to care so much what others think of my tweeks and twists.
I have come to care for ME. That is huge.

And if wearing these bells helps me to feel a bit more in touch, then so be it.
Think what you may.

I do, however, believe that the bells that ring are for us ALL, and our connection.
They are a part of my bringing my grief into the mourning phase in which i say to the world "yes i am sad, i miss my loved ones, i cry, and yet i live --and laugh".
This is my pain and my joy.

Kathy is in ohio now but moving soon to warmer parts .. alas not here; but closer so i will be seeing her . I pray she is finding peace in her own grief and will find new life in the new land.

And i ask Spirit to bring us back together in physical presence again soon.

Namaste' / Shalom / Ameyn