'Don't Should on Me!'

My spiritual advisor, whom i miss terribly since his move up north, is so full of good ones i thought i would just jot this one down here.

He told me so many times to let go of the guilt. To stop regretting, allow myself to be human, get over the ego-thing that tells us we have to do it all and do it all right.

This was most probably in our counseling sessions dealing with mom's emotional hold on me. I could never be the perfect daughter i had tried to be. Nor have i been anywhere close to being the perfect wife, mother, friend, anything.

But that is oK.

What snags us up is that 'should have' thing. I should have hugged my son more; i should have been able to keep our family together when i was 7 and my dad left; i should have ________fill it in as i know you have your own.

Know this - it is not about what we should have done - it is about what we learned from the decisions and choices that we made. We make them from what we are equipped with at that point in life.
Choices are often the lesser of the 2 most painful or hardest or uncool options.

I did what i could with what i knew and it was my best at the time.

So, i tell myself - and others - don't should on me anymore.


I really want to design a tee shirt with that on it. Maybe one of those big circles with the red line through it with the word should crossed over.